Cries of My Life

Alive and still kickin'

2012-01-21T12:24:00.002+08:00

Life, is full of clichés.

But it is only clichés that make life isn't it?

Alright, things have been going well these days,

Uno: a long break from army (read: Chinese New Year!)

Had a massive food poisoning last Chinese new year. Literally, I had vomited after every dish during reunion dinner. All the drama of food coming up from both end (details spared), the after-midnight jab and having plain porridge for the rest of Chinese new year start because of the bad case of bacon.

Duo: GOLD for IPPT!

Ever since enlistment, my consistent yet miserable performance in the chin-up station hindered me. But then, last Wednesday, I pulled twelve and ran for my life for the 2.4. Goddamnit, 9.38, yes!

Tres: A reassuring letter from University that answered my question I was about to ask.

So, as i get back to the mundane task of clearing up the mess in my room,

I'll plot my way to 'eat back' whatever I have lost last CNY!

MUHAHAH

Orange clouds and grey rain.

2012-01-14T17:39:00.002+08:00

It's been 14 days into the new 2012.

Nothing much have change.

Did not do up any resolutions as usual either.

BUT

these days have proven to me life is fair, depending how you look at things and of course, the unexpected strikes too.

To deal with it,

just suck it up, and just do it.

Period. for then.

2011-12-31T21:20:00.003+08:00

Let's see.

it's the traditional end-of-year closing. A day marked as eve, for celebration to usher the new year.

Did 2011 sucked?

A fair share.

awesome?

Another fair share

It's been a year of changes.

About how transition into a civilian to a soldier,

starting a green life in camp, firearms and stuff like that.

Then, giving chances to inspire and also instances that brought me down.

There were also how I met a bunch of different awesome people,

also, knowing my direction after army,

what to do, and what to aim for.

but at the same time, at loss for the finer details of it.

Somehow, this eve had events that drove me to frustrations

but spending it with my family after many new year eve makes it a lot better.

So, cheers to 2011. thank you for teaching me, making me a better person(?)

and to 2012, just keep it safe and sound.

motion in midair

2011-12-24T21:59:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I really want people to read my mind,

because I'm, first, too lazy to say it out. Secondly, some people are irrationally annoying that they need a socially-unacceptable sentence to shut themselves up.

but oh well.

Anyway, this one week seems to be proving a disappointment.

It's like you have taught nothing when you spent all your energy on them the whole day.

But it's okay, I'll induce it through!

On a random note, I have this visual image in my mind that spirals around suspended objects, like a three-dimensional footage on these objects, just being thrown.

This is weird. beyond weird.

Yes. Reel it back. then unreel it.

2011-12-17T11:54:00.003+08:00

Alright. My first official running a course started three days ago.

The experience will be good if there wasn't something else going on.

But it's all for the cadets.

All for them.

Who knew running a course will be that tiring.

It makes you bleed sweat.

2011-12-07T21:37:00.001+08:00

I'm so tired and I still have work to do.

There's so much unjust.

Life's a bitch, but who cares.

Very first light.

2011-10-29T15:58:00.003+08:00

It's been a month since I last written.

Life have been quite spasmodic.

Mundane, but occasionally littered with stuff, which some are relatively irrelevant.

This includes the pointless induction prog and now, the protection&security course ongoing.

Despite so, I had my short stint as an instructor at the first two weeks and sent the cadets off to their respective specialisation. In the midst of lull, those administrative finally, like dust, started to settle down. New appointments, the need to brush up on knowledge and whatnots.

Still, I'm enjoying the people I'm working with.

So, let's go.

what's keeping you asleep.

2011-09-25T23:37:00.002+08:00

Damn.
It's not even day one. It's just negative day one.
And i started missing everybody alrd.

Though the bulk remain near to me physically, bunk or building.
Some are so far far away.
Nel, joey, khuhan, edmund.
Awwwwwww.

):

What fills the room.

2011-09-23T23:19:00.003+08:00

Around 7pm tonight, my parents took away the white stripes and endowed the rank holder with that three black chevrons.

It was an exhilarating moment.

It marks the end of this 22 week course and how I'm trained to think like a commander.

This perhaps seems to be a milestone for my national service.

The march gave me a lot of time to think, especially standing at attention for a bloody long time.

Other than my numbed feet and aching palms then, thoughts were flowing into my mind.

This black chevrons bears its appointment, bears new responsibilities and new challenges. and it took me a while to adjust my feelings. This means that there will not be a day where your appointment will change and you need to make the decisions.

With my new posting, which I'm extremely thankful for, I need to perform and excel in my duties. At the very least contribute to the army and make the rest of my NS life worthwhile. I really hope I will pass on thinking and not just knowledge and inspire to aspire.

So, on Monday, a new path start and let's

Rock 'n' roll.

The bottle is empty now

2011-09-09T22:41:00.002+08:00

Today, marks the end of the bulk of my specialist course, professional term.

Two more weeks to the end of the course and I'm proud to say,

I'm a combat engineer.

Probably at 13 weeks ago, I'm know I'm thrown into darkness of not knowing what is going to happen. The rumours about how tough, physically taxing this vocation is. then, the thought of staying in this vocation for the rest of my national service puts me worry.

Then, there were the tough times, countless to point, endless to tell. It was not really what I have expected.

Yes, it is physical taxing.

Yes, it is tough sometimes.

But somehow, it's all worth it.

The thing about the tasks we do emphasize on teamwork and trust. We all know it.

I am extremely fortunate that in BMT, it was a company pride thing, to SCS, it was a section pride, then, to ProTerm, it was a platoon pride.

I love my platoonmates, how we are not in the same section but we still bonded together. Somehow there wasn't much shit to go through, but it was just naturally bonded together, like friends who just did not meet before in ETI.

I enjoyed my stay in ETI.

and now, the important question is, can I continue to enjoy my stay at ETI with a new purpose or to move over and face new challenges in days to come.

droplets

2011-09-07T18:26:00.003+08:00

Two more days to the end of Professional term.

Two more weeks to the end of the Specialist course.

With a black rank, responsibilities will come into play.

No more when-is-this-appointment-gonna-end anymore.

It is either going to go upwards from now on.

On Thursday, there's the instructor interview (which i really hope i excel in it), drills rehearsal and grad ceremony.

On Friday, the ceremony itself.

Hope everything goes well.

Grab me the shovel

2011-08-20T16:53:00.002+08:00

It's been two months in ETI, and another month more to go, I'll be passing out as a specialist.

I'm truly thankful that at the end of the day, that i'm into field specialisation.

and oddly it seems, with a spatial view, the end seems really really near. or perhaps it just that everyone 'cept for the cadets are reminding us about it.

I guess it was the stuff we have been going through, the bunch of craziness rolled into every night, talking about everything, anything under the sun (or the moon).

However, I still wish something could have been done, or rather, I could do something more.

On the side note, they say 'don't bite more than one can chew',

but (ohh man...), I'm pretty sure I'm going to, with all the plans I have after my service to the nation.

Flashlights

2011-07-31T14:05:00.002+08:00

One week or so into my specialization phase and things are still moving quite slowly.

and what seems to take its time is this motorisation phase.

The thing is it is more relaxing and stuff, but is it useful? I don't know.

and what's worse is that I'm terribly poor in it, thus,

a road hazard. geeeeez.

Blimey.

A few more weeks, just a few more.

but nevertheless, I like what I can be doing now.

I'm just bored.

One day of bookout and it's getting on my nerves.

just bear with it.

(technically my mind is having a fragmentation on its own. Self-explanatory)

Somewhere there you'll never know.

2011-07-22T22:50:00.003+08:00

1. I'm into my specialization already!

2. I'm in field specialization!

3. I'm so tired, that half of my brain (I think) is dead.

young

2011-07-15T23:13:00.002+08:00

Acidic

2011-07-09T14:54:00.001+08:00

Pain makes people change.

Bricks and Concrete

2011-07-02T14:49:00.002+08:00

It's been slightly more than two weeks, and it felt long.

My stint as a cadet at engineer training institute felt extremely long despite it's just two week and I still have probably 10 more weeks to go.

and my weekends, became so fixed, like a routine, spending my Saturday out, then studying on Sunday morning before booking back in. Of course, there's a exception this week, where I'm doing guard duties tmr. This roughly translate to burning one of my weekend. /sigh

Well, all have been well, lessons after lessons, then practical lessons, then test, then rinse and repeat. This is army too. Things are picking up, and the feeling of real true responsibilities are finally beginning to bear their own weight.

and sometimes, i kinda feel happy to do saikang, even more with my sectionmates too.

and my bunkmates are equally hilarious to top my nights off.

At the very least, I learnt to like what I'm given, make the best of it, and looking at the brightest side of everything.

Think of the most horrible things you are doing is by default, anything better, is a definitely a bonus to be happy about.

Waves.

2011-06-18T23:06:00.002+08:00

1. I'm posted to engineer training institute. and my three days there is a sign of craziness.

2. There's a helloadya of theory lessons, then practicals and ending of with test.

3. Adding on the pile, regimentation grew to a much higher level in SCS.

4. I miss my old section 2 since I don't have any familiar faces in my section now.

5. Food was not as awesome as PLC.

6. I don't know what to expect anymore.

7. SIAN+SAD+CLUELESS

/sigh

basics

2011-06-13T17:17:00.001+08:00

What if,

I want to take your hand, bring you there, seated by the edge to see that,

will you offer your hand?

Blind again.

2011-06-13T16:32:00.002+08:00

I have finally finished my foundation term in SCS and my time there has been comparatively easier than Fifth Company, but of course, we do have our fair share of tough time, thought i feel guilty of saying it.

However, the ones that made my life so much happier and awesome are my section-mates.

Section 2 are one crazy bunch of people in the company. Dinners and lunch every now and then, crazy antics like wearing formal clothes for the last day, cameo party and deliveries too. People who are super 'on', like spring cleaning and stuff. Our bunk is always littered with inside jokes from the very first day and those talk-nonsense never fail to amuse me. Nevertheless, our section held the most instances of leadership positions and we even have two crossovers. and as usual, we get arrow-ed very frequently and still we had fun doing all the saikang.

Section pride!

Now, as we part to different ways for professional term, I have a strong feeling we gonna meet real soon.

and by the way, I'm posted to combat engineer, which I can't put my finger on it.

On Wednesday, I'll be thrown back to the blinding darkness, starting anew all over again. (:

fonts.

2011-06-05T11:33:00.001+08:00

You blow my mind.

As usual.

You.

On the other hand.

Gave me stomach cramps, from laughing too much.

As usual.

phail.

Elastic Rubber Bands

2011-06-04T16:44:00.003+08:00

You know how those little things reminds you of what you used to do?

Flat rectangular rubber bands with national flags. Small biscuits with coloured icings on top.

And the way of eating that biscuits, icing first then the biscuits.

Little old things.

Anyway, Week 7 down and last week left.

Graduation Parades, debriefs and the 28km route march.

Probably then, the postings for pro-term.

and btw, I had an awesome dinner with my sectionmates last night at Korean BBQ Grill.

I'm blessed with awesome sectionmates for bmt and now in scs.

Playdough.

2011-05-21T23:19:00.002+08:00

The key difference that set us, humans, apart from instinctive animals and inanimate objects, is the imbued intelligence that translate into the ability to transform behavior and attitude, to adapt in times of change when put in a new environment. At the end of that very day, there is always someone who will fall through the crack, taking the heat and agony. The individual falls asleep, with much difficulty, hoping at the next first light, things will change.

If life is about being reckless, it's time you need to hit a rock.

Week 5 down, three more weeks, hectic ones to be exact, to go.

Week 4 was quite a spin, but it ended with a 3 day break, massive relief.

What I loved about that week was that it seem like a section bonding week, doing task together. hah.

This week, on the other hand, was relaxed to an extend that I felt like I'm wasting my time away.

Still, caught up with NY tutors, shopped and dinner-ed with T and Y on Monday while spending my sat at NUS attending talks by faculty of science to seal my decision.

ahhhh. With much reluctance, booking in tmr for fieldcamp.

FERRRRRRRIS WHEEEEELS.

Tie a loop, then a knot, then cut it

2011-05-01T00:20:00.002+08:00

Week 2 down.

My week was horrible.

when leading 150 men to cheer, where tension and disparity are evident.

'cept the awesome thing is know I'm offered NUS Pharmacy! (:

then, my mundane term continues... ...

Did you feel that?!

2011-04-22T23:02:00.003+08:00

I'm done with my first week of my first term in SCS.

Life feels good like a stagnant puddle of water, waiting for some idiots to step into it and create ripples.

Punishments wasn't was tedious as BMT but trainings was helloadya tougher.

and my whining ponders over the long-distances runs every single day.

Well well, the mundane and ridiculous life continues and with an extra twist of the annoying spat of events regarding nsmen... ...

Someone pressed my Restart button

2011-04-18T00:07:00.003+08:00

In moments later, including 6 hours of sleep, then mad rush of breakfast and such,

I'll be at SCS, starting a new found journey.

Posting was out on Friday, and seriously, I was surprised by it.

My IPPT was below average, SITest and Peer appraisal was average.

A "yes" to command school, and I'm given the opportunity for it.

I'm not gonna lie, I'm slightly apprehensive about it.

I remember how relax I was, sleeping through the night, waking up and cooking up my scrambled eggs, enjoying my cereals before I switched on my laptop. I browsed through my usuals, look at people's posting on FB, then to explored the NS web before I actually checked out my posting.

One part of the 'nahhh' me, was disappointing. The other was awesome.

Disappointing, more outfields, more jungle crap, more crazy things a normal civilian will detest.

On the other hand, I'm given this chance, where my friends wanted but did not have it. It will be a waste of resources if I'll not giving my best. Furthermore, if I wasn't given, the typical me will live in regret and mull over it. It is awesome since I'm gonna do smth more elaborate, to lead and saikangsaikangtekantekanthenfeelaccomplishedaftereverything.

I'm blind now since I don't know what's ahead of me, what to expect. But one thing I had been taught and learnt, to see in the dark. It feels like enlistment all over again.

I guess, like every trip going into tekong, hanging on the boards at the ferry terminal,

I need to,

Built to Last.

Anyway, on a different note, much to my annoyance, why gloat and show a hypocritical side to everyone when you know about the history how you go about completing your tasks. But as a friend, I choose to believe in you, that you will practice what you want to preach. but at least show some inner self moderation.

Speaking of which, I must reduce complaining, and improve temper-stress control. heh.

and now...

BRING IT ON!

demanding yo

2011-04-14T21:57:00.001+08:00

Freshen Up

2011-04-10T21:59:00.002+08:00

Dripping in sweat

2011-04-10T19:32:00.002+08:00

I've been told or encountered this question, tell me a story of yours.

Then, I thought, and i couldn't come up with any.

Maybe I have a boring life,

maybe every exciting story is equally exciting.

Then I realised,

I just have bad experience-related memory. heh.

Thank god I started this blog since 2005

Sidenote: Should go running soon!

/bored

So what now?

2011-04-09T22:39:00.003+08:00

Current Literature: Digital Fortress by Dan Brown; Hard Truths by ST

Current Music: Goodbye Lullaby (album) by Avril Lavigne

Current Craze: Chewy, Gooey, Crispy, Crunchy, Melt-in-your-mouth cookies (Recipe book) by Alice Medrich

Current Pain-in-e-ass: Blistering feet, Stiff back, Aching Shoulders and Thighs

Current Happiness: POP LO!

I've gone through approximately 60 days of the most basic phase of army life.

The training of using the weapon, movement and outfields forms the foundation of my vague memory. It is the tekan session, the punishment, the panting, the sweat, the blood (REALLY!) and scraped palms and knees forms the experience. It is my section-mates, platoon-mates and commanders that forms the endurance and joy amongst all craziness

It is the discipline and pride that forms my respect and love for Fifth Company.

This may sound extremely cliche but the first few weeks, 9 weeks seems like a drag. Now, 9 weeks dashed. The weeks began with bumpy ride, but stacked in-between are lessons and encouragement even though expressed at the least explicit ways. and of course, there will be tekan for the sake of tekan times.

What resonates in me now is the pride I carry as a fifth coy warrior.

I am:

thankful for my buddy, who I nag when he is in a mess, learning his strengths,

thankful about how my section survived the 9 weeks together from enlistment to POP where no one fall out or out-of-course

thankful about how the whole section pulled through on the most horrible rainy night during fieldcamp, everyone together

thankful for all the friends I made.

thankful for fifth company for everything it have taught me.

I love and will definitely miss section 3!

/wipetearsthrowscapinairshoutspopliaolo

Ceiling Scratches

2011-04-02T13:12:00.003+08:00

Days in Army: 53

I had clear my 8th week in BMT and now to my final one next week.

And this week have been particularly slack, with Games' day, Drills Com, Recruits' Evening and loads of lepak session. It was so slack that my section could have snack party on Thursday afternoon.

My company somehow were doing closing for my batch, those debriefing, short and nice speeches and such. It feels as if it is ending tomorrow.

I will do my closing on the actual day itself - POP!

But some awesome news:

I cleared my IPPT, not with an accredited pass thou.

I did my 6 pull-ups!

Ran 2.4km for 9.57mins! (NEVER IN MY LIFE!)

Bookout last night w/o remedial training!

/bored

I'm so hungry

2011-03-19T23:42:00.004+08:00

Short Updates:

One:

My major events of my BMT army life just ended within this two weeks.

In which are the outfields, Field Camp and SITest.

and that equals to a happy me!

Two:

Company lifted off the vending machines bans,

Food and MP3 bans too.

and that equals to a even happier me!

Three:

My appetite grew large after my outfield due to the 'biscuits' I'm forever munching on.

This. Is. BAD.

Four:

Done with my university applications.

and I'm lost over scholarships. I don't know if I could apply, how to apply and stuff.

I need help. Desperate help.

Flying without wings.

2011-03-05T11:21:00.002+08:00

It's not impossible, it is just you require some mechanical form of assistance.

My A Level results were released yesterday, so here's a mood check:
GP: Extremely surprised
Biology: Elated (factor in that i slipped into slight depression a few days ago when the bell-curve, stupid mistakes, etcetc I might have made.)
Chemistry: Elated (Considering how tough the paper was)
Mathematics: Elated (Considering a left one heavy marks question totally blank)
Economics: Slightly disappointed

Under my school standard, I have done well.
Under my expectations, I don’t think so.

Here, I thank everyone.
My family that endure my extremely bad mood swings at that period,
my tutors who gave in to my consultations and stupid/worrying questions asked (Key: Chemistry. Hah!),
and in addition, my sec (teachers)/jc (tutors) that motivated and encouraged me (small words makes a big difference),
Mr L and Mr L who pushed me forward,
my friends especially classmates like Y, T, WJ, JM who could have endure my questions, crazy antics from time to time.
Thank you NYJC!

And now, it is all about reading about all the courses, looking through and searching for opinions, looking at the small glimmer of hope and things like that.
I roughly have an idea of what I’m going to put down, but just the order of choices and where (which is probably settled more or less. Key: south)

Army this week was quite slack in my opinion.
Well, the much dreaded field camp in the coming week, and I pray for safety and assurances, much less pain and suffering.
Back to mundane and ridiculous life tmr afternoon (so much for failing pull-ups again! Ahhhhh~)

I have so many things to do over this pathetic Saturday.
Army: Appraisal form, photocopying results and buying army stuff @ beach road
Self: Read up on all courses, search for opinions

|:

Breathing underwater

2011-02-26T11:58:00.004+08:00

It's not impossible, it's just very very difficult.

I had lunch with Y and T yesterday, during their office lunch break.

So after we bid farewell, I went off to actually find a trash bin to throw my awfully chocolate ice cream box(?) in citylink.

Somehow, I wandered off, and headed to Esplanade to breathe in some humanity, especially at Jendela.

One group of artwork by this particular artist rang with me.

And amongst her Conversations with Trees,

this stood out:

Three things I learnt from trees.
1. It is important to have roots.
2. Be flexible so you won't break when the rough wind blows
3. Grow where you are planted

-Yeo Shih Yun, Conversation with trees

Now, I regret why i didn't try out Chinese ink when Mr S Lim told us to.

Take Down Those Locks

2011-02-25T22:08:00.003+08:00

I've been in Army for 16 days.

Booked out for roughly 3 days, then back to the mundane, ridiculous life again.

Today brought about a mix of emotions, thankfully, no upsets.

There was so many factors that I could pen down, if I could,

like how I felt with my itouch plugged in while in the ride back home from dinner, Leona Lewis's Alive playing along.

like small talk with Mas, my section-mate.

etcetc.

I've been asking myself questions and questions and questions.

I want, no, I NEED the answers. There's so much uncertainty, so much variables.

Thing I need to settle:

Hospices or not?

Cut them into equal pieces

2011-02-08T15:12:00.001+08:00

From all those "trainings" I got, now,

I shall,

Suck it up and deal with it.

Let the stopwatch Run

2011-02-02T01:38:00.004+08:00

It seems I lost the touch to imagine.

I need wacky science theories, morbid crimes and weird diseases.

I want big fat burgers now!

I hope I have betrayed every single ounce of your trust. Tore your heart multiple times. I hope I have filled you with so much sadness, that your eyes swell every other night. Soaked where your hair never dries. I hope that I put fear in your vessels, that it flows to every inch. With no steps out the house and sun to hit your skin. I hope you hate me so much that you would have that lapse in memory upon the mention, a empty space that you couldn't remember.

Now, let's start knowing each other over again.

Empty frames on the Wall

2011-02-02T00:01:00.002+08:00

You know how we, people, are demanding.

From our demands, we perceive an imaginary gain from it.

These gains are expectations.

When we fail to obtain these gains, we spiral down to disappointment.

In disappointment, we sleep, wake up and forget.

Then, we get demanding again.

Letters to the Moon

2011-01-31T20:57:00.003+08:00

Uno:

I love an occasionally rain.

But not for 5 days straight.

Duo:

I cannot run in the morning.

and it's quite a hassle to travel to a gym, just to run.

Tres:

I don't like it when I can't do well in things I love to do.

Feeling so "Blah..." with the photos I took on Friday.

Quadro:

I need paint, paper, pen and TIME.

Cubic Squares

2011-01-27T21:19:00.002+08:00

It's closer now.

I'm in a extreme short supply of shiny bucks.

because I ran out of paint...

(it's okay, I still have pencils...)

then, I ran out of PAPER!

/facepalm

Your Shoelace is Loose.

2011-01-23T00:29:00.003+08:00

We all live by a set of moral values, a code of conduct. The varying degree of its expectation dictates the different personalities that exist. Subsequently, our actions stems from the perception and the personality.

I used to believe such intricate structure is due to the workings of habit and environment, where it is built upon and strengthen while we accumulate experiences in our lives. However, on my recent experience, the quirky turn of irony fails my hypothesis, showing otherwise that the social influence can change someone into a person I never knew.

On an abrupt note, today, I present the case of practicality against idealism.

Both 'practicality' and 'idealism' counter each other, but lies grey areas where we humans aim to balance and take a share of in our decisions. To put it crudely, these grey areas are just the usual day and night, politically correct right and wrong, aptly boring in the discussion.

If we were to held at gunpoint, I presume most of our population will stand on practicality, deeming idealism as wishful thinking. However, I look at idealism as a way to see perfection, an aim that is at the very least, is governed by the societal values, reaping the maximum welfare. In addition, for the individualistic souls, a desire to reach what they want. Practicality, undeniably also aims to reap maximum welfare, will require sacrifices. Perhaps what sets them apart is the ability to materialize in reality.

Have Idealism failed us? Perhaps our incidence with idealism was deemed lackadaisical, urging us to stay away from it as far as we could. However, I strongly believe, much open to contention, idealism drove the engine of the past, preserving innocence. That is how Science is derived in the past, the pure desire for knowledge. Comparatively to today, Science is tempted by money, a commanding power defined in Economics.

Being happy, being optimistic and having no ground to stand on, it is like hanging on by a thin thread, which one might not even know of its existence until reality hits. However, it is this kind of hope, being idealistic can bring, does not drown the world in endless misery, or the feeling of the drunkard hangover on the very next day.

I believe that the constant idealistic thinking drives us to the bigger picture, a beautiful one where everyone is happy, jumping for joy, eating lollies and rainbows all over the skies... Yes, we might not reach the ideal picture, since we are not flawless and the permutation of characters brings about variable in each episodes of our lives. However, we emulate it, with being practical.

Practicality, like idealism, should be balanced and emphasized flexibly to situations. 'Think out of the box' may be the right expression explain the significance of the need of this 'balance'. To sum it up, being too practical breeds stagnation, while being too idealistic reflects delusion but one cannot deny ideal thinking in order to allow change to occur.

[edit] Note that "realism" is not upon mentioned. Do differentiate the intensity, limits and the ideas of 'Practicality" as oppose to "realism" [/edit]

---------

My apologies to the large chunk of words above, just something that struck me a few days ago and kept it in my itouch.

I just ended my two-week long attachment at SGH.

It was a very wonderful experience, a snapshot of the life of a doctor. 99.9% of the the doctors i met are extremely nice and coupled with nurses, clinical assistants and medical students.

It really made me even more NEED (weird way to put it heh) to pursue Medicine. I LOVE IT!

Oh grades, oh grades, do me some good and realise it. (:

Now, One week to do what i want, one week of CNY then it's army.

and hopefully, 4-5 months later, outta NS to NUS! hehheh! (:

Crease

2011-01-03T22:41:00.002+08:00

RANDOM.

One:

Had an awesome dinner tonight with Y and T!

CHOMPCHOMP but my usual dessert place closed. gee.

but Y is planning another. so YEAH!

Two:

Attachment is starting 6 days. and I have yet to get my shirts and pants.

Oh man, oh man, oh man.

and my wallets is already BURNT from the holidays.

Three:

Primary and Secondary Schools are opening tmr.

THANK GAWD!

This meant that there will not be next-door kids screaming in the morning,

disturbing my sleep.

No more loud aunties talking outside on the corridor.

ahhh~ Peace from everywhere.

2011 is coming along fine.

Awesome max.

Where's your Backpack?

2011-01-01T22:19:00.002+08:00

2011

HAPPY NEW YEAR!
jan: attachment feb: army mar: army apr: army may: army jun: army
jul: army aug: army sep: army oct: army nov: army dec: army
Pretty much sums up this year i hope. Heh.

This year,
I want a peaceful year,
good surprises will be nice,
safe and sound.

Desistance

2010-12-29T21:41:00.003+08:00

I was going through my drafts, some of which are not suitable for prying eyes but I came upon this food for thought, and i never figure why it didn't get to see the light.

We, humans, are born straight out from our mothers without an impression of what is the outside world. But how does one know the first instance to cry out loud as our sensitive eyes hits the lights?

Anyway, I ought do some closure for Year 2010. (okay, this feels so sombre) but I love to do these endings, it feels good and liberating, and maybe, a little hope of the better(?)

Alright. Two years of Junior College life. I find this the fastest years of my life. Certain key events are so fresh in my mind still, as if it was yesterday. Oh the cliché...

If i were to do my tertiary education again, I would choose it again, but probably be grabbing more opportunities from the start of year one.

NY made my JC life very much comfortable, although because of the lack of emphasize in certain areas, I once find myself contemplating whether I made the correct choice. However, that was on very rare occasions.

0906 was a class I probably won't be too attached too, but attached to the different people inside. The truth is the class got into cliques less than month and thankfully, no bad clashes but just really bad turn-up rate during class gathering and such.

I am thankful for the friends i made. Mends and cracks in my group of people. Awesome people who likes to go singing randomly at times, talking nonsense when we are bored, blur sotongs, people who I love to annoy for fun (heh, xP) and accomplices, gym-mers, and I'm glad and fortunate to be endowed with excellent brilliant caring subject tutors and cca teachers. Awesome Photog friends too!

Developed my love for Biology and Chemistry from Year two while Economics and Math died down a little though I make an effort to sustain them.

Things I'll Miss:

Walking down the long walkway in the early morning near school / Reaching school early with music blasting in my ears / Coffee or tea on morning lessons / Morning talks about topics ranging from " Have you finish studying?" to "Yesterday you got watch Ai anot?" (HAHAHAH!) / Lethargy to get to the assembly grounds / Bleedin' hot sun / "Good morning colleagues and NYJcians" / Loving principal / Dozing in really boring lectures / Looking and laughing at dozing people with others (heh!) / Hilarious Biology lectures (which i LOVEEEE!~) / Picking flaws in lectures and making a good laugh about it / Travelling to J8 for lunch in long breaks via mrt / Having vegetarian food for lunch during year two / Watermelon and orange juice everyday/ Fruit stall auntie! / Fun tutorials / Slacking at grandstand / Lovely morning P.E / Chicken pie from G.N.C. / Smuggling food OPENLY into tutorial lessons / countless test and exams / Mr L's super lame and funny jokes / Mr N's lectures and tutorials / O-M-G Face in Math and Econs tutorial / Feeling proud as a Biology student (heh!) / Rushing from one lecture hall at on end to tutorial room at another end of the school / Consultations consultations and more consultation / Holding 40D / Hanging out with Photog and 'outings' / Every single photog event / School comfy library / Studying till nightfall at atrium and shells / Laughing at weird antics classmates put up / Bookshop to buy paper and pens loads of time / Photocopy shop during rush hour / Heading down to Novena to see Mr. L every Friday with his Unicorns, Snakes and Apples / Subway for dinner every Friday / Heading to Bishan to see Mr. L every Saturday with his antics / Feeling extremely blessed with the help i'm given and totally washed out by the end of the week / FOREVER packing my study table / Printing notes and worksheet / Studying till late at night and complaining not enough sleep the next morning / Walking back the long pathway to the bus-stop during sunset /SCHOOL.

I'm glad I could do alot of things this year. (:

Alevels weighing down on my mind the whole year and finally a load off the shoulders.

Thank you.

For all who came, all who left and all who stayed.

For all who put me through crap and all who was a god-sent.

For all who bothered to ask, bothered to care and bothered to love.

For all who bothered to say, bothered to criticize and bothered to "talk".

For all who bothered to share, bothered to accompany and bothered to smile.

Or a wave or a nod, however slight it might be.

CT 0906.

Y & T (:

I'm extremely excited about Year 2011. I don't know why.

2010 is quite an average year.

I'm not dreading army life,

botak? actually, still manageable. probably slightly upset with a sudden drop in volume of hair but I actually like it when the hairdresser 'accidentally' cut my hair too short. Feels good. no?

Come to think of it 12 months, 11 months in army, 1 month of "freedom", where two weeks are attachment at SGH (SUPER EXCITED!)

By the way, photo blog: aerialavalanche where I keep my interests I see on the net all together. Weird palette I would say. Still, I won't shut this blog down. (:

Till 2011, we'll see, until there's something worth updating for.

Dash

2010-12-25T14:30:00.002+08:00

Merry Christmas! (:

Been a year since i lost someone dear.

and been a year since i hope someone dear will come back.

Putting it down wasn't an option, 'cause it is forever in-my-face.

Probably, I'm the only one who dread every second of Christmas.

Less than a week to New Year! YEAHHHHHHHH!

Well, I don't want to do anything since it will be more painful in actions than thoughts. So my thoughts purely wish for time to wash it all away, to let the person wake up to reality.

(I'm taking deep breaths while typing this down, and i usually don't note this anywhere cause i don't want to be constantly reminded of something i want to avoid. but, today, a year, i guess i should grow some armor already.)

Anyway, I'm extremely elated to get a place for attachment next year, just before I head to Botakland. Am I looking forward to it? Yes, at least i can not face some weird no-life loser. HAH!

I'm picking up my pencils and starting to draw. (and it's because i have been looking at beautiful photos and it's killing me inside when I don't have a DSLR. YET!) I am done with one and trying out portraits very soon after some more sketches.

oh, and would you like to have some cupcakes? heh.

Degrees

2010-12-21T02:04:00.001+08:00

Had an awesome BBQ tonight.

A bunch of friends
From two classes during secondary two, then to three classes during secondary three.
Friends whom we may not even studied in the same class before.
And it is definitely crazy here we could get along with everyone. And of two years since we went to our differents schools. There wasn't a moment of silence. This is how awesome it is.

Plenty of cooking, bunch of joy, getting the satays done, tricking people to eat and finish the chicken wings, perfectly toasted marshmellows, catching up, longest monopoly deal game I've played (and epic, difficult and nerve wrecking too, by the way!) and catching buses.

This is simple. It's the company that matters.

(;

Dandelions

2010-12-09T22:19:00.005+08:00

Dandelions, dandelions.
Twisted, it grew. Twisted, it flew.
By the pavements it tries,
oh cement, floors and walls.

Dandelions, dent de lions,
facade it changes, time after time.
Celebrated it dies,
now by the cracks, a nowhere field.

Yesterday seems to a put the end of my Junior College life in proper and prim. with a bunch of awesome people i met in NYJC.

NYJC's Dinner and Dance @ Raffles Town Club!

Headed down to Thomson Plaza lugging a bunch of stuff, grabbed lunch and some rentals with Trish and Y. Perhaps it's the weather, Perhaps it's the day, we are just rather forgetful. Still, got the room after trying to find the rooms behind a deceiving door.

Got my run and a few weights, enjoyed and changed for prom!

Prom was alright. Food was fine. Usual photo taking and stuff. I swear there's quite a lot of people i did not know that existed in the school. Stayed over, singing crazily and randomly with WJ, warming feet in the tub in the morning, and lazing around with Inception and NatGeo nonsense. Hahhah.

Tried to have our fix at Nex but probably we are too zombiefied and littlewordslittlewords.

Shall wait for the photos to be uploaded on FB before i get it up here.

I wanted to get some perspectives on "Attention", got my drive but lost it anyway. So i shall get it up soon enough.

Another day out tomorrow. To put a period for a, very short, probably insignificant, and I might lose the thin strand in the wash of time, memory.

Is it me, or is Believing becoming harder by a notch?

Dizzy

2010-12-08T01:02:00.006+08:00

I am one week late but...

A LEVELS IS OVER!

Two years of work (probable worst estimation) to mount for performance the month. Well, the usual regrets still live within me. About whether studying earlier or not or even the urge to take on the 'A's immediately cause the post prelim period is taking way too long.

However, the whole month of torture (though i enjoyed some papers. That's sadistic i know. heh) is finally over. I'm lucky to have the timetable that allowed me to focus on some subjects (particularly economics) despite the annoying two-subjects-a-day days.

Biology: I feel better with these papers

Chemistry: the TOUGHEST papers i ever took ):

Mathematics: Human error. So i didn't perform well to my expectations

Economics: I don't know. But i finished my papers within the time limit. FIRST TIME!

The usual drills, i apologize to my parents, that put up with the nonsense, my neighbours, whom i (accidentally) subjected them to my countless singing along my itouch, and any noise-making people (living at opposite/under/over/everywhere blocks), for which i cursed them under my breath every now and then for the noise they are making.

The difference between the Os and the As is that you can kinda relax during the Os period but i seem to be studying every day (not relaxed at all!) during As.

But As taught me quite a bit.

For everything is worth it.

M'sia immediately after my last paper. Prom tmr (later to be exact).

AWESOME MAXX! (:

Nasal

2010-11-24T01:38:00.002+08:00

12 Papers.

11 down.

1 more to go.

8 days later.

A Levels reduce me to such high brain activity, that i cant nap/sleep.

Contents just flood through my mind whenever i close my eyes.

I'm having a few weird psychological behaviour here now.

/elaboration

House and Bones is getting on my must-watch list.

Since As a re temporarily over, shall enjoy my life now,

and round off the As nicely on 2 december.

Oblivious

2010-10-27T23:20:00.002+08:00

Carpe Diem Quam Minimum Credula Postero

Yeah, yeah. Mmm hmm.
Everybody's got a time in their life
When everything hurts and nothing's right.
But you gotta walk on, yeah you gotta walk on.

Everybody's got a piece of their heart
That's been stepped on and torn apart.
But you gotta move on, yeah you gotta walk on.

Cause I, know, it's hard to have the strength and,
Sometimes, all you feel is pain, but,
Things keep floating by on that river in the night.

But I know things are gonna get better,
And I know things are gonna be fine.
And I know things are gonna get better.
Life is gonna get better, yeah we're gonna be fine.

Everybody's got that one regret,
no matter how they try, they can't forget.
But you gotta move on, yeah you gotta move on.
And everybody's got someone they've lost,
And they can't believe they're really gone.
But you gotta live on, yeah you gotta live on.

Cause I, know, it's hard to have the strength and,
Sometimes, all you feel is pain, but,

Things keep floating by on that river in the night.

But I know things are gonna get better,
And I know things are gonna be fine.
And I know things are gonna get better.
Life is gonna get better, yeah we're gonna be fine.

And I know there's hope.
I see it in your eyes.
So take me, touch me.
Cause with a little bit of love, we can win the fight.
With a little bit of love we can see the light.
With a little bit of love it'll be alright.

I know things are gonna get better,
And I know things are gonna be fine.
And I know things are gonna get better.
Life is gonna get better, yeah we're gonna be fine.

Walk, walk, walk the line and,
keep, keep, keep walking on.
Keep, keep, keep walking on.

-Things are Gonna get Better, David Archuleta

Oasis - glance

2010-10-19T18:09:00.002+08:00

Mr. Trevor builds those walls,

fixes those pipes,

cleans clogged bowls and,

make billions at night.

Nobody knows what he actually does, Nobody seems.

How about a sneak peek?

Just a small little peek,

a peek into Mr Trevor's lies... no. Life.

Oasis I

2010-10-13T23:44:00.004+08:00

The plot sets in a seemingly abandoned house. Tattered on the outside, but perfect on the inside.

The house reeks of the Victorian embellishment and construction, yet littered with brass, gold and silver. Sophisticated yet blunt around the edges. Parchments were laid all over the floor surrounding The Stool.

Lights transit from immediate darkness to dark orange.

Mr. Trevor: [arrogantly walks out, to the front of The Stool]

[Pause and scrutinize the audience]

Mr. Trevor: [Points to The Stool repeatedly while exclaiming] This! This is sanity! This is control! This is something! And this is none! This is your dreams! This is your life! How much do you want! YOU! yes YOU! TELL ME!

[Pause and sits on The Stool]

Mr. Trevor: [arrogantly] and this. [pause] Is me.

Lights dim into a spotlight on Mr. Trevor and The Stool

Mr. Trevor removes his coat and throws to the floor. He adjusted his position, clenched on The Stool firmly, set upright and firm, then slouch.

Mr. Trevor: [takes a deep breath] [softly] What did I do to you?

Spotlight fades into darkness.

Spotlight shines brightly. Only The Stool remains.

Music begins to play (No. 4 in E Minor, Chopin)

Remaining Hiatus till.

Sold my soul

2010-09-29T20:18:00.002+08:00

Sayin'. Keep on comin'

2010-09-28T23:38:00.002+08:00

I flew a kite today! WOOTS!

Chem P3 results, Picnic and kite-flying totally lifted up my miserable Chemistry Paper 1 results.

Had a picnic over at Marina Barrage,

with considerable amount of sun.

Loads of food.

and kite.

kite.

Very important,

KITE!
AWESOME MAX!

heh.

Work hard, Play Hard.

Time to keep my playing mood (the sketchbook too. ): ),

and lay them out doing the As then.

Time to make magicccc!

Slightly

2010-09-26T00:12:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling inspired now.

"What's in your Hand?"

Sent

2010-09-24T22:54:00.004+08:00

Give me a random toss up,

'cause i think i can handle it.

/random

*did a new background for my twitter page.

but it error-ed on me.

So, i shall contain my excited then.

*and i shall sketch portraits soon.

my weakest and never tried. and i will now.

Soul

2010-09-24T00:48:00.002+08:00

Okay. You might think that i'm schizophrenic if you compare me to the previous post,

BUT I'M FEELING AWESOMEEEZXSZZ!

Kept my chemistry feelings away, like a pudding, so no one dare and can touch it.

Economics today was rather expected. Put it more effort, would have done well, 'cause the questions obviously not the tough kinds that i saw before. Still, when you don't study for it, your chances to perform just slips away.

(Postnote: My brain is playing dramatic sounds as I type. /weird)

Anyway, 4 days till my last paper, and it's biology. So, i can take a quick break first.

and what made me feeling happy...

I put it down with 5 of its kind,

into a Lyra carrier.

With a suggestion,

I dug it out from my paintbox.

Took a paper, and my sketchbook.

Off I go to happyland.

Feels extremely good lifting the pencil back.

So, now is pencil, soon is artfriend, with new paint and brushes, and clay

and get the canvas done up.

GAWD! I'M FEELING EXTREMELY EXCITEDDDDD!

Silence

2010-09-22T21:18:00.002+08:00

Today,
a paper with 40 questions,
with 4 choices each,
utterly destroyed me within an hour.

In shock. In numb. In chemistry.

I feel so depressed still,
and I don't know how to get my Econs started.

):

spoil.

2010-09-20T00:48:00.002+08:00

I borrowed this book from the library,

during a meet-and-mug with some of the 410 friends.

The book was awesome.

I'm not creating a portfolio or any kind,

just the designing/presentation concept is just pure awesomeness.

Have the time, read/browse through it. (:

/random.

Third post for the night. gee.

Sober

2010-09-19T23:54:00.002+08:00

Everything was going in my mind now.

and i think there's such a high flux of traffic now that i'm getting a headache.

and i cant stone/daydream anymore. geeeeez.

One moment i'm thinking about some biology things, next one thinking about metal wires (heh, there's reason, but i cant say), next planning my study habit after prelim (in the mind), next thinking about random thing.

ohh,

saw this on a senior blog.

Apologizing:
does not always mean that you are wrong and the other person is right.
It means that you value your relationship more than your ego.

There you go. /random

Rant: to get my mind to keep quiet.

I think i'm suffering withdrawal symptoms for math now.

'cause the math prelims just passed and there's another week of content heavy subjects.

Since doing math paper make me feel accomplished,

I can't do math papers now,

so, I cant feel accomplished.

Gawd. Why do i feel so sick in the stomach now.

Anyway, shall do some reading for morning, and clear some chemistry paper from the afternoon till the night.

/rant.

Warfare:

Math Paper 2: was tough. not a killer. and there's this pure math question that i could finish all its part. awesomeness. At least i wont get any Elephant like the mids.

Econs Paper 1: (rant: Why put a paper on a Saturday?! I actually feel very demoralized on Friday night, studying. -.-) Timetimetime. lack. The thing about me and economics is that i don't know how i fare. My gut feels that i screwed it. gaaah.

/warfare.

Threeeeee thoughts. /thoughts

Source

2010-09-19T22:53:00.002+08:00

Going back to the corner where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag
I'm not gonna move

Got some words on cardboard
Got your picture in my hand
Saying, "If you see this girl can you tell her where I am"

Some try to hand me money
They don't understand
I'm not broke
I'm just a broken hearted man

I know it makes no sense but what else can I do
How can I move on when I'm still in love with you

'Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
I'm thinking maybe you'd come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street
So I'm not moving
I'm not moving

-The Man Who Can't be Moved, The Script

Song was on repeat. Seemingly for forever.
-----

"When I grow up, I want to be..."
"a doctor!"
"a zookeeper!"
"a vet!"
"a chef!"
"an artist!"
"a lawyer!"
"a teacher!"
"a firefighter!"
"a dancer!"
"a policeman!"

"a... a.. a."
"i don't know"

When we grow old, innocence waver.
When we grow old, we turn from a dreamer into a realist.
When we grow old, we put incredulity into naiveness.

When we grow old, we ahbor superficial and demand for the innate self,
but little we know, aren't we more materialistic than kids?

Have you given up?
If not, don't. Never.
If yes, good luck, adult

seeds

2010-09-16T20:38:00.002+08:00

So, what are the 7 sins of man?

On a completely different note,
Current warfare update:
Chemistry P3: Lack of time, cheated by the paper, chose a seemingly short (thus presume easier) question. Screwed and realised i would know how to do the question that i didnt chose cause it look longer. *insert stabbing here*
Biology P2: lack of time (again!), experienced a world worth of ironies in the paper.
Math P1: surprisingly felt better than past major exams. I predict tmr paper 2 will be a definite killer. Geeez.

Sanity

2010-09-12T19:06:00.002+08:00

It is like grabbing a fistful of sand,

when you release it by just opening your hands,
it falls and spreads everywhere.

But when you release it slowly by pouring it out,
it tumbles, and settle into a small pile.

Two more months of collecting sand.
Pouring them out to fill the holes that few weeks can gander.

And now, it's all about accuracy.

Signature done. Here

2010-09-10T00:14:00.004+08:00

I think.

Life will be awesome if i studied in Aussie for my further education.

As much as i need to get a place in NUS/NTU,

i want to go overseas to get my degree somehow.

In my alternative life.

I'll pursue art/performance art (not performing arts)/Design/Advertising.

Or maybe more Biologyyy.

In somewhere where seasons change. not a lot of people. Long roads to travel. and still close to my family.

But, Want is not a Need. and Need is very much important. when the Need is fulfilled, the Want is then taken to consideration.

[edit]

How about throwing in,

France, Paris, French and Art.

Sounds delicious.

[/edit}

SIGN HERE PLEASE.

2010-09-09T23:55:00.002+08:00

Next time,

If i ever have to print a massive load of powerpoints out for "notes",

I'll do live-blogging.

"Do and Do-NOTS of preparing a powerpoint"

For instance,

1) DO NOT IMPOSE YOUR PERSONAL FAVOURITE COLOUR ONTO PPT. Unless it serves a purpose.

If your presentation is about feminine products, it's okay to use shades of pink. Keyword: SHADES But if it's not, PLEASE use a neutral colour scheme.

2) WHEN YOU COLOUR YOUR WORDS, AND ACCIDENTALLY DID A LETTER EXTRA, PLEASE CLEAR IT.

I mean, since you did the effort to colour your words, why not undo for just that extra letter that you "over-coloured". It's annoying and just shows how not meticulous you are. Don't say that you are so busy and you have no time, when you colour every word in any other colour.

and so on so forth...

Snag

2010-09-06T22:04:00.003+08:00

Glam glam glam
Everyone wants a piece of Glam

Strip down the monetary rewards
and in the bed you'll sleep.

Glam glam glam
Everyone wants a piece of Glam

Life: realistic, pragmatic. What a kill-joy.

and I repeat,
In comfort we dream, in mirrors we see. In fear we breathe, in hope we live.

Single

2010-09-06T00:24:00.002+08:00

The holidays are here!

Wait.

Every single Singaporean student (likely to be 16 years old and above) are having their exams after this holiday.

Let's exclaim "The holidays are here" again ~~and get your ass whipped like pudding.~~

Singaporean kid.

and i realized that I'm not the only one that ever considered about ignoring all this school crap and live an alternative lifestyle, something you actually like doing. ~~become a chaoahbeng, become a couchpotato, become a scubadiver, become an actor in local play, yadayadayad~~

But this is life. This is. Singapore.

Sept holidays 09: Study for Promos

End of year holidays 09: Study for Blocktest

March Holidays 10: Study for Common test (okay, at least some rest)

June Holidays 10: Study for Mid years

Sept Holidays 10: Study for Prelims & As.

Not complaining, i always believe there will be someone worse off.

/randomranting

Shall knock out now because

1) I'm excited to actually do math sums

2) a rock concert is warming up in my stomach now

Note to Self: Have fun. really.

Soles

2010-09-02T22:38:00.002+08:00

The run starts tomorrow.

3 weeks to keep running... and running... and running...

To self,

Please be fluid tomorrow.

Have loads of fun.

Relax and enjoy the paper.

From self.

I like how the clouds roll by, sometimes it is fluffy, sometimes it is in streaks, sometimes it is in a mess, sometimes... it is just blue.

Shards

2010-09-01T21:39:00.002+08:00

All I ask for is that six days in november,
to make sure I wake up before you leave,
Because I'm afraid of oversleeping, and missing my papers.

It's A Levels.

It involves telling your boss to delay maybe 15mins of your time while your colleagues start the day first.
You said you NEED to be there, and NOT be late, but i'm sure your boss will understand.
But you never left room for any discussion.

When I hear you talking on the phone about WORK to your boss, my stomach turned and harden.

and it flowed while I was doing my sums.
I kept really really quiet.

Mom, you broke my heart today.

Grasp

2010-08-26T22:42:00.001+08:00

Someone asked me, do I want it?
I said, yes.
He asked again, how much do you want it?
I couldn't answer, I was speechless. I was unsure, I was uncertain.

The person, the someone, was me.

Oregano

2010-08-16T22:01:00.002+08:00

Today was.
Excruciating and ridiculous.

Ridiculous:
Hair length, after I got a haircut yesterday
Bleeding loud event near my house, and it's 10pm alreadly
Raining very heavily when I wanted to go home.

Excruciating:
Rushing out the house because I don't want to be late even by one minute again.
Empty stomach for the morning
Fringe
Econs lecture, annoying screen problem
GP lessons, when it is a few of us contributing.
Biology mock paper
Biology mock paper
Biology mock paper
Last 15 minutes of Biology mock paper
T: "write down all your keywords and keyphrases alrd, stop staring at the paper"
M(mind): I know it's a simple question, but I didn't study this topic! I don't remember the keywords and phrases!!
T: "this is a simple paper. I can see by observing. Good. Shows that you all got study"
M(speechless):...

Monday. What a letdown.

Drip

2010-08-15T17:16:00.001+08:00

They say,
Time is money.

True true.

One moment seems eternity.

I really hate waiting. i really do. damn.

Paws

2010-08-10T02:03:00.003+08:00

you're so delirious.

Today was extremely productive.
Clear two prelim papers and killed myself a thousand times in my mind while doing electrochem.

NDP looks good,
(on tv that is. What to do? I've three verbal warnings to not go out and stay home to MUG!)
Still, maybe e thought on NS rubbed me, the marchpast, PLANES (!), and the tanks looks awesome too.
I practically skipped the performance 'cept singing along the national days songs while pan-frying my eggs.
Heh.

Everything is happening on Wednesday.
Photog exhibition
Biology Talk
ps: if there wasn't bio talk, there is a GP/S'pore talk
ps/s: if there wasn't GP talk, there is extra math tutorial
deyi council investiture (which I'm dying to go, but looks like I can't make it)
and most imptly, darylene's birthday! Hehehe

aiya. Iamregrettingnotaccompanyingdadandmumtowatchfireworks.shizz.
/random

Okay. Shall contd working harder tmr!

lifeblogging

Grainy

2010-08-09T01:56:00.002+08:00

Keep that stash away.
and keep quiet!
Hold your breath, Hold it dear,
You might lose it any moment now.

Don't you dare.
Never.
Never should you whimper,
Or you never could and you never will.

Air so stale,
muscle so tense.
Slot in some tears,
may the drama begins.

Slowly if you prefer,
Put your palms on those two ends.
Gently but sharp,
twist and crack.

Good day and goodbye.

Firstly, HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE!

This 4-day holiday felt so surreal.

and i'm spending my time in my room than anywhere else.

My study table to be more specific.

sidenote: I got my table packed. I packed once after exams. This is for the post-exams. says much?

Did some sums and my head hurts.

and now, i just don't feel like sleeping. bleahhhhhh.

Notice how i only wrote about "studies".

Not that i have no life, but i'm subscribing to this life till 2 dec. |:

I'm bored. really bored. Conjured that up within flow of thoughts, cool eh? heh.

K-nocked O-ut. zZzzzz

Convey

2010-08-05T20:23:00.002+08:00

One of my secondary school teacher "passed" on this message from the meeting room.

And it was from the ex-vp.

"There are three kinds of people in the world,

the ones who know what they know, and don't know what they don't know.

the ones who know what they know, and know what they don't know,

and the ones who don't know what they know and don't know, and act like they know"

So which one do you wanna be?

Retrospectare

2010-07-31T00:29:00.003+08:00

My Mids are over.

and i think that if i put in more effort, it will be better.

Considering how empty-"brain"ed i felt - Nothing just seem to go in, I still got this kind of results. So, it just prove that if i add a little more fuel to my fire, it will.

But, where's the fuel?

I need someone to threaten me. Heh.

Been blanking out in school recently, the temporarily be-right-back.

In deep thoughts? Kinda. Thoughts just struck and i wanted to pursue it further.

It's like experimenting with the mind, trying to control it. Bit ironic.

Still, i'm making a point to "control" my dreams (Inception FTW!)

Unexpectedly, i can deduce myself in a nightmare (which loosely translates to dinosaurs chasing me, buildings breaking into small pieces while i was running. and this ALWAYS happens - No matter how fast i ran, i'm in a slow motion)

So, i can actually, tell myself to wake up. and it works.

I could, rarely, connect myself back to the "good" dreams after i got woken up.

Anyway, I snapped during dinner. Was pretty annoyed, tired and hungry. Popeyes made me queued for like a zillion years and still, forgot to give me the jam and the sauce.

Felt like throwing my laptop out the windows while transferring my photos i took for the class today. First, worms in CF cards, then the photos cannot be detected, then it was in raw format and ~~photoshop can't convert it~~. So technically, i have 171 photos, sitting in my thumbdrive now. ggggggrhhhh. I was so bleeding afraid i lose the photos when it didn't detect it y'know. zZzz

Pretty much about a small write up to refuse to sleep, because there's a damn stats test tmr, (later to be exact).

Edit: Thanks to sweegee's suggestion to update my photoshop, it worked! Yeahh!

In comfort we dream, in mirrors we see. In fear we breathe, in hope we live.

Fences

2010-07-05T14:57:00.001+08:00

Courage is when you're afraid,
But you keep on moving anyway
Courage is when you're in pain,
But you keep on living anyway
It's not how many times you've been
knocked down
It's how many times you get back up
Courage is when you've lost your way,
But you find your strength anyway
Courage is when you're afraid
Courage is when it all seems grey
Courage is when you make a change,
And you keep on living anyway
You keep on moving anyway
You keep on giving anyway
You keep on loving anyway
-Courage, Orianthi

taste

2010-07-02T22:36:00.002+08:00

Lapse

2010-06-27T14:57:00.002+08:00

Been a while since i'm here.

Not sick of studying for the mids. It's just didn't put in enough effort.

and, of course, procrastination played a significant role.

the evidence? presence of this.

Anyway, i'm bit screwed. i need more time.

I was getting my itouch on shuffle. and this song came on.

I used to listen to it often and somehow, it drown into the library.

Still, it was fresh. Awesome as always.

Break your neck for some substance
This is temporary sanity, an exercise in vanity
So long, to the ordinary day wrought with fictitious tales
Of how there's any other way
Hold on to anything at all
It's a long way down between the summer and the fall
If I told you that you're everything,
Would you sing along?
Would you sing along?

It's a daily anthem
Would you sing my song,
At the top of your lungs?
And we'll all sing along,
We'll all sing along
A Daily AntheM - David Cook

You know we all used to write in our primary school Chinese essays about how you look at something, then you have reminiscence about the story you are going to write.

But my reminiscence are all attached to songs. Some songs get played, and i "kinda" taste that particular part of life again.

A Daily AntheM, made me miss it.

Btw, notice the spelling error on the picture before the post? heh. imperfections in life, i'll say

#3 Cease

2010-06-07T01:12:00.001+08:00

#2 temporary

2010-03-14T22:34:00.002+08:00

#1 Dwindle

2010-02-04T22:54:00.003+08:00

Don’t waste your time trying to fix
What I want to erase
What I need to forget
Don’t waste your time on me my friend
Friend, what does that even mean
-Don't Waste Your Time, Kelly Clarkson

January flew.
and I waited.
I lied to myself, 'cause i remember what you said.
But everyone else get tired of waiting.
and it's time for me to move on then.
Friend.

Prologue le deuxième

2010-01-01T16:42:00.002+08:00

Deux.

Twice in time,
differs in eyes.
Silence they ring,
as loudly as it chimes.

Here lies the white,
labelled in black.
An Armour wore,
is what the war begins.

This is my second prologue since i have annotated it.

2010.

I hope it would be awesome.

It numbers themselves look rather... nice. Hah.

So, for this year, i shall

1. Grab every opportunities i can at first instinct

2. Give all my very best to every single things i do

3. Stop being influence and conforming to desires

4. Be self.

5. Be truthful to self.

And of course, I'm going to sit for the toughest (rumoured) exam for the lifetime, just to gain admission.

the A 'levels.

So, till then.

Epilogue

2009-12-31T19:40:00.001+08:00

2009.

What a year.

Collectively, I thank everyone in my life that have gone through it with me.
Family, friends, classmates.
People who are already been in life for the past few years.
People who left. Part and parcel, right?
People who i met in Nyjc, 0906 of course.
People who i get know through talks, camp, etc.

But this is it.

I have another new year to spend with these guys.

I can't really remember how i spent my 2009.
It was fast. Damn fast.

It feels as if that orientation was yesterday. so fresh yet vivid.
but i remember it more of slogging half-dead in my war zones of books thou.

and of course, there were things i would not want to experience again.
Well, a lesson learnt through life. That expensive, but worth it.

As it comes to a closure, a fresh start awaits.

Goodbye and thank you, 2009.

61. Sore

2009-12-29T23:55:00.002+08:00

"Class" Outing!

So yea, it's quite a screwed up since the person who suggested it did not even come. and he still comes up with a rather 'wth' excuse. So, we were kinda pissed off.
(CZ bets that it will become a clique outing, she won anyway. Hah.)

That aside, i had fun! ahahahs
with cz, wenjun, rosemary, yuening and jiaming. (yep, only 6 out of 26, pathetic)

I had one of the awesome-st lunch i ever had. Laughing at weird stuff and the waiter. Hahah

Bowling after wenjun left. and i won. Hahahs
Technically, it was Suntec, Marina Square...

Then i felt like a total tourist. Hah.
Esplanade (Fave: Jendela), Almost took the flyer (Bad weather), Merlion and to Vivo.

I'm damn tired and my feet are sore from all the walking.
and i feel like going for shopping. (:

Abrupt, but till then!

i'm waiting for rosemary to upload the peekies soon. ahahahs

60. Asleep

2009-12-26T12:39:00.002+08:00

This is a nightmare that I can't wake up.

This is when everything is fixed.

and, i'm dead.

Owch. My head hurts.

59. Forward

2009-12-26T00:17:00.005+08:00

People always say, "I look forward to 2010 (etc) because 2009 sucks", "I hope 2010 (etc) will be better".

Now, I don't think if i pray and knock (kowtow) until my head bleeds and my brain got whirled into a mess, the disaster will be gone in 2010.

Merry Christmas.
Some people have the best.
Others have a normal average day.
but for me, today was the awakening of the disaster.
and i think i have the worst.

All i want for Christmas (or the next Christmas or the year after or every other year or new years/birthdays) is for everything to turn back to normal and remain normal.

I have, never in my life, want to turn back time this desperately.

Breakups? Heartbreak? please. You should go through my fear now.

58. Nuts

2009-12-23T22:33:00.004+08:00

After a desperate plea to get a life,

I went out with yy and cz today! hah!

Jap lunch with CZ while yy recounted her china trip.
She killed a chicken. and i'm utterly shocked!

So, we decided to catch new moon, arguably to worst. but i bet i had the best new moon experience more than anyone else. Hahahas.

For instance,
(When the words "New Moon" came out)
CZ: "Awww, I thought we were watching Harry Potter!"

(When Edward says "this is the last time you'll see me")
Me: "Thank god!"

So, YY, who does not know about our plan and sitting in the middle, was embarrassed. Hahahas

MLIA FTW!!!~

Awesome day out (:

57. XPharm Camp

2009-12-16T20:41:00.003+08:00

Okay, I had finally came back from the 3D2N Pharmacy Camp@NUS!

Of course it's AWESOME! Tell me, which camp isn't? Hahaha. (:

So, before the camp, I'm feeling weird, since it was the second camp with people i don't know. But still, 48 bucks paid, i still need to go. Hah

(okay, i need to say that if I could write "lazy" on my face. I would. All over my face. but I'm still lazy to do it either. Hah)

Day ONE
1. Took a almost spine-breaking, personal space invading, rush hour MRT ride to NUS
2. Met up with the other Nyjcians and registered.
3. In OG 10, JOHNSON&JOHNSON!! (thankgod there's other nyjcians with me, Elias and
4. Normal Ice-breakers.
5. Lunch with lecture (weird, that rhymes) on Acne, how interesting. hahahah
6. Prepared injections and Creams (PyridoxinHydrochloride and ZincOxide&MagnesiumStearate respectively)
7. Checked in the hostel, Sheares Hall. One person one room. Got cardkey somemore. AWESOME!
8. Dinner in a huge lecture room that is strangely reeking of the smell of pepper.
9. Played Pharmapoly. and JJ WON! WOOTS!~
10. Caught the last shuttle bus, and got seats since we were the only OG that walked to one bus stop before.
11. Stopped by the Sheares, and went out for PRATA! with OGLs!
12. Reached, Bathed and Slept at 2am

Day TWO
1. Woke up at 7am. (Count: 5 hours of sleep. The irony of comfy beds)
2. Breakfast and Pharmacist Talk. Was trying to stay awake by drawing. Almost failed
3. Lunch, then Lecture. On Depression.
4. Made Capsules and Mixture (Charcoal capsules and Kaolin Mixture, seemingly similar to cough syrup btw)
5. Dinner in the usual peppery smell hall.
6. Play this murder investigation game. Complete task at each stations to get clues
7. Had to act out the "truth" (Man, i seriously don't know i did all that for the skit. Hahahahh)
8. Had an fantastic time doing the skit still
9. Walked back to Sheares since the last bus was gone.
10. Prata with more OG mates. Yeah.
11. Played more games when everyone came back.
12. Concentration/rhythmic games till 4.30am. Super cui = lack of concentration = lose = forfeit
13. Slept for 3 hours

Day THREE
1. Breakfast as usual
2. Award Ceremony and photo taking!
3. JJ EMERGE AS TOP OG! WOOOOOTS!~
4. Lunched with JJ
5. Trained back with alvin, nydia and gordon.

Like any other camp, I'm super cui, tired and slept the whole day off. Hahahaha (:

I'm going back mug like nuts (as usual).
So,
Till then. (:

Photos taken by ChoonSiong (OGL), FB(:

56. Hit the tracks

2009-12-08T00:56:00.004+08:00

I thought it might be nice to recommend part of my playlist.

Leona Lewis: Alive, Outta My Head
Kris Allen: Live like we're Dying, Before We Come Undone, Bring It Back
Lady Gaga: Monster, Speechless
Westlife: Shadows, Where We Are, No More Heroes

Haven't been listening the Westlife's album really intently (Background music), so these are the ones who got my attention.

Purpose of doing so: Procrastinate in planning.

(:

55. Frequency

2009-12-04T01:28:00.002+08:00

It's 1.30 in the morning.
I'm bored and I feel like screaming at the top of my voice for fun.

(I can hear people yelling at me "Siao ah!" and shut up and sleep if i do)

Normally, holidays feels like it's on slow motion or a pause-rewind-play. But now, even my holidays are speeding up.

Today (Yesterday to be exact), Dad had been feeding me like a pig.

I feel damn uncomfortable now and I'm going to go for a run if the weather turns out good.

54. Random

2009-12-02T00:24:00.004+08:00

Sometimes, i wonder,

Why? What have i done wrong? Why do I deserve this?

See, this is how violent CZ gets. She wants to... ...

Hai, what a disgusting pervert!

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHA!~

53. Numerical

2009-11-30T22:05:00.003+08:00

Yesterday
1. Cooked Mac in Cheese with Chicken chunks and Bacon. Finally.
2. Walked all the way to Bishan park cafe for Project Discussion. Why does running makes it so much shorter?
3. Pretty much dead after 'trekking' under the hot sun.
4. Discussion: CZ, Ted, Me
5. Egg mayo sandwiches, Water-like coffee and Atrocious prices.
6. Tit-for-tat (Ted's inside joke, Hahahahs)
7. YOUTUBE VIDEOS FTW!!!
8. Digress, Digress, Digress.
9. Glo-bal.
10. S. L. O. W. pool game
11. Epic saves, Lingering ball near holes, CZ poking ceilings
12. CZ shows off her "pro" skills
13. Ted and me won!
14. Family feast at night for Dad's birthday.

Today
15. Attempted to run. FAIL
16. I realised i spent my time asleep than awake today. Hah.
17. Did a few sums.
18. Watching Fringe, Doing math, and blogging. All at the same time.

52. Debris

2009-11-28T17:36:00.003+08:00

I feel as if I'm trapped in a cave. and it's caving in.

For every time I search for clues, it is like digging in the cave.
The rocks will start falling.

Sometimes, the clues just comes to me.

The debris are choking me.
It feels as if my ribcage tightening up.

I feel like just finishing it off.
But i can't predict the repercussions it will have.

I want to shout. I want to scream. I want to ask for opinions. I want to confide.
But I can't. Not even to the closest.

All i want is everything, everything, back to normal. Can i?

51. Speculations

2009-11-27T17:38:00.006+08:00

I was rummaging through my photos and i found this.

Ahh~ Reminds my of the PW days. Hah.
For instance, "Why have they not mail their WR sections to me yet?!"

Good old days... ...

Okay, I'm bored.

Go grow a bush at your ass or something. Have fun.

50. Seeing Double

2009-11-24T21:02:00.003+08:00

I'll hold you by your knees, upside down.

I'll cut off every single strands, strings attached.

I'll keep my mouth shut, zipped tight.

I'll closed my eyes, avoid and denies what is in front.

I'll numb myself, with nothing but i don't want to feel anymore.

Today have been a disappointment. Major.

Life is full of secrets, not self but others. Beyond friends but to family.

It's irritating to know someone, so close, hiding from what is so obvious.

If you have a secret, and you don't want others to know. Please, jolly well don't make it so fucking obvious.

I miss innocence, naiveness and gullibility.

49. Worth

2009-11-24T17:04:00.003+08:00

The mundanity lurks in the school.

Why?
Going school for just two or three lectures are largely a waste of transportation pollution, energy wastage, etc etc.
They should condense a few lectures today. All in one shot. Makes life easier for everyone too.

Undeniably, the pros include finishing the syllabuses earlier and most importantly, who wouldn't love waking up late like 7am before school starts at 8.30/9.00. Sweet.

and I'm getting used to it already. (:

Still, here's an info about my holiday assignment.
A timely reminder for me and scare me seriously at the end of the holidays.

Biology Revision Package - 38pages
Chemistry Holiday Assignment - 43 pages
Math Holiday Assignment - 23 pages
Econs 'Trade' Tutorial
Econs Holiday Project
GP Holiday Project
GP Comprehension

I think these stacks of papers can work me to sleep.
and totally contradict what Mr Loi told me to do: Relax, Enjoy and Play my holidays.

/:

48. selections

2009-11-21T00:10:00.002+08:00

Finally, i got to watch 2012, with parents (I wouldn't put family - since I'm, like, the only child so it's kinda weird)

Anyway, i know I'm lagging abit of the movie timeline. Somehow, dad wanted to watch it so i did not catch it with '06 during the chalet.

Still, the movie was amazing. Awesome graphics, very real-life indeed. With amazing sound effects, I'm blown away. and it does have the leaving-you-on-the-edge-of-your-seat quality in it.

However, throughout the movie, i notice something. Just for thoughts.

Social Darwinism

Social Darwinism is hidden beneath the literature: The War of the Worlds by H.G. Wells, perhaps, more commonly know as the Aliens-trying-take-over-earth film by Steven Spielberg. I remember it showing the aliens in a much superior group, annihilating the less-superior race. So there you go, Social Darwinism. The natural (in the case, it should be selective) selection of social classes and race.

In any case, i couldn't finish the book. I can't tahan the intricate use of language and writing style. Hah.

So, in 2012, mention that the people are selected based on their highest quality of genes (and of course, how money can upgrade it too). This is done to "save" the best, the creme of the crop, to ensure the continuity of human race propagation. At the face of death or doomsday, we would want to congregate the top and segregate the rest away. IN. ORDER. TO. SAVE. OURSELVES.

But, then again, do we EVEN meet the mark?

When the person selecting the people to be admitted into the Ark, how is he selecting it? based on what basis? His action of accepting people to get their money to build the Ark, is he deserving to be on the Ark itself? Is that the highest quality of genes then?

But, also, what is then?
How do we measure? How do we choose?
Most importantly, Who are you? Who are you given the power, the authority to reject or accept anyone based on genetic information that can likely mutate and carried forward into the future due to natural breeding?

This is a act to create a superhuman race, based on a flimsy criterion of each independent individual.

But, then again, at the end of the world, who can, collectively, think of this when they are scrambling for their life?

Anyway, that's pretty much i want to say in addition to the loads of coincidence (seriously, how many writers can just so happen 'know' the head and 'save' the day?)
All in all, 2012 is still an awesome movie. and i think i should treat it as just another movie.

47. Drained

2009-11-18T22:20:00.002+08:00

Now Listening: Live Like We're Dying - Kris Allen

I'm in a rather good mood now. and I'm having quite spare block of time to think about life now. It's progression and stuff around me, etc.

So here's something i need (dying) need to highlight.
Please, remember the garbage truck theory.

You see, it is not easy for all 5 of us to somehow share the common though and the same frequency. We are all different. Somewhat somehow, vastly different. Sometimes we agree on certain things, sometimes, we disagree.

and there goes a conflict.

Someone once told me. Why does our group have conflict so easily and almost countless?
and someone else told me, is because we show care and concern over each other flaws and problem. If not, we don't even give a damn about others'.

But, seriously, I'm getting tired from all of these.

If this is how stress works people up, man, it is too long. Too prolong! You get stress up by things, so we often a listening ear, a shoulder of comfort. but shutting everyone out isn't nice. We are understanding and we are bunch of don't-know-why that easily misunderstand others' actions.

and that brings me to sensitivity.

Sensitivity is good. i experience it first hand. but you need to practice what you preach. You need to practice 'filtering' when you know being too straightforward just hurts others. Have your "just-other" comment hurt someone? Have your "joke" gone too far? Have your obsession with some details been irritating someone else off the charts? The tongue is sharper than any sword, my friends.

On the flip side, too much sensitivity is (murderously) bad. We are not deaf. We are not blind. We have a life. We need to juggle our life. and, most importantly, we respond to these juggling, bring along the emotional baggage with nasty side effects. These include lesser words, forgetting "things" and too engross in certain things. One thing for sure, we are not ignoring. We are not angry. but being too sensitive and tad' off the edge, it is like you get pissed off with things that don't exist in the first place. To make matter worse, the other party don't even know a single shit what's happening when you are giving a cold shoulder. It's is like putting someone on a blindfold.

Communicate. and give in.

All 5 of us are very outspoken. We speak freely, with no obligations and to things that goes against our opinions. But we need to accept that we all are different. Sometimes, somethings that you listen should go in one way and come out the other. Don't take it to heart.

Don't keep quiet, and give a cold shoulder. I don't want to talk to a wall in any case. Be normal abit can?

Well, small cracks in the wall can be fixed, while the big ones can't. Sometimes, things we doing leave bruises, heartache and pain. It will all be washed away with time. But unintentionally, we leave scars, that consistently remind us of what happened. We just created another wall of defense.

Do you really want thicker walls, narrower minds?
Until we approach the day we get so awkward that we cant speak with one another anymore?

So, think about it. (:

... ...
Yeah… gotta start
Looking at the hand of the time we’ve been given here
This is all we got and we gotta start thinkin’ it
Every second counts on a clock that’s tickin
Gotta live like we’re dying

We only got 86 400 seconds in a day
To turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell ‘em that we love ‘em while we got the chance to say,
Gotta live like we’re dying
... ...

46. past tense

2009-11-16T20:18:00.001+08:00

My overall results are so screwed.

But not screwed enough.

And that's a good thing.

right?